In my opinion most people who blog do so because they have alot to say and not enough friends , time or phone credit to do so ;-)
At least that's why I write ,alot of the things i write i burn later (aka shift+delete) because I'm not ready to show the world who i am or everything i feel
So i usually share these intimate thoughts and ideas with my sister or my bestfriend
Anyways to get to the point of this post
I think I think too much...
That sounds wrong
I think too much , analyze to much, and delve into too many layers of human emotion....
I went on vacation recently to istanbul which i loved to pieces (another coming post with pictures coming soon!!)
I shopped alot, visited as many mosques and museums as I could and...yes you guessed it thought alot
I just realized something i need to relax stop thinking so much all the time and stop trying to change the world so I'm taking frankie's advice and I'm going to relax and I'm making a list for all my fellow chronic thinkers to relax
1-Try out the aqua massage
2-Go sit by the sea or the Nile and do absolutely nothing
3-Smile really hard and close your eyes
4-Don't listen to gossip (this one is amazing but quite difficult)
5-Take a nice long shower when your clean
6-lounge in ur living with the lights and tv off
after you have succesfully done one or some of the things on the list (all 20 minutes of them ;-)
Go back to your life and remember to relax
Wednesday, December 24, 2008 | | 2 Comments
Merrily merrily merrily , life is but a dream.
There ain't nothing gentle or merry about rowing for sport but it's pretty cool
I would like to say that after the "incident" I took back to the water like a fish to the sea but aaah I'm only human I've hit the water but I'm still a bit freaked
It made it kinda worse when I overheard some guy I don't know asking my coach if I was the girl who flipped over last week yeah yeah stop rubbin it my face (or maybe he was hitting on me that would be a nicer explanation :-)
Anyways something beautiful happened while I was sitting in my boat about to begin rowing a poor little fishie jumping around in the water landed on my boat
Poor thing kept flipping itself but couldn't get back in the water
I was mesmerized but I couldn't reach out to push it back in the lake (cut me some slack here I just fell last week I was not going to risk that happening again for a fish)
She flipped six times the little thing was so determined every time it flipped it went up like 30 cm up in the air finally landing safely back in the water
and I like to think it's a she because my boat has flowers on it and girls like flowers :-)
I'm saving it for my happy thoughts
Wednesday, December 03, 2008 | | 4 Comments
For my sister……
This is one of those posts bloggers write when they’re hurting real bad and don’t know who to blame…..like everyone in the world
Every time I’m sad I miss him
I wish he was here I wish he would look at me and smile
Then everything would be ok
Because I would know that no matter what is happening in my life no matter what I’m struggling with, no matter how many bad things were happening and no matter how few people in this world understand me it was okay because I’m his little girl always was and always will be no matter what no one can ever take that away
Whenever I’m having a hard time and I break down just a little bit my friends and family panic, you know because I’m their rock
The strong one, the sane balanced one
Most of the time they’re right I feel like I’m as tall as a building and as high as a bird in the sky
Other times meh
I know I’m like this because he went away when I needed him around the most 15 years old , I don’t know what that age is a kid or a woman I really don’t
But I do know that everything happens for a reason and that I’m strong because of him because I know he isn’t there and I have to make him proud and I also like to believe that I have so much of him inside me not just when I look in the mirror and see his eyes staring back at me but his quiet strength I feel so proud for having inherited that
He’s a better person than I could ever dream of becoming but I hope I can become a bit like him as I get older
One thing I’m sure of about my father he is unquestionably…….
The only man in the world who is truly irreplaceable
Wednesday, December 03, 2008 | | 6 Comments
For almost a year now 3 times a week a wake up at dawn and drive out to a lake behind the Alexandria Nozha airport to rowing practice.
Mind you I do this for fun no races just me the lake and my hollering coach!
Anyways for the first few months every time I would hit the water I would freak out that I the boat would capsize and I would be humiliated because I was already incredibly insecure.
The only 25 year old there with an average age of 17 I worked really hard to earn the other rowers look of respect on the waters.
Just last week one of the Egyptian rowing champs (Number 2 in Egypt) talked to me for the first time in a year she said A7san Skeev !!!
Translation Go girl in the skeev boat ( I have no idea the English name of a skeev but all I know that it’s a light weight version of the traditional canoe to help you hone your balancing and rowing technique) I swelled with pride when she said that I couldn’t believe how far I’d come, wow!
Never thought it would happen at this point though…..
But aaah God has a way of reminding us we are not invincible this morning at exactly 7 am rowing away in the middle of the lake right outside the rowing lanes BOOM one of my oars hit the 200m metal mark (my fault of course because I was concentrating on the actual rowing and totally neglected being aware of my surroundings) I lost my balance and the unexpected happened my boat turned over *SPLASH* (I hope you’re all enjoying the cinematic effects ? ).
OK now what big lake, my coach is somewhere 3 km away from me on his motor boat and the only one close enough is a double canoe that of course I can’t get in because I would turn it over.
My boat wasn’t an option either because it’s quite impossible to get back in from the water.
The rowers in the double canoe, God bless them went to get help..
Abandoned in the middle of the freezing lake my feet touching something yucky.
A light bulb went off near my head (proverbial light bulb not a real bulb electrocuting me to death!) I fell in the lake, I fell off my boat, and I fell just when I had started becoming comfortable and pseudo professional like rower.
One of my worst fears had come true.
Again fine, wet and grossed out but nevertheless quite fine.
Even when I came out of the lake half expecting the other kids to look at me with pity or disdain.
I saw something else in their eyes.
Their own fear, these kids who’ve been rowing for years and have been in numerous races were afraid of the same thing I was; falling.
Speed bumps teach you to slow down and appreciate your surroundings since I was starting to get bored with rowing and felt like it wasn’t challenging enough for me.
I got my speed bump.
So I promise myself I will not take rowing for granted anymore.
And thank my lucky stars I have such an interesting activity in my life.
As an after thought I was telling my friend this morning I fell so she laughingly told me I fell because I was “single” since everyone seems to think that’s the reason for every girls problem ….oh and the ozone is depleting because I’m single too hehe.
Gjoez tagged me in the bucket list tag:
“Simply state any number of goals you want to achieve in the next 8-10 years. Let them be small goals, big goals, silly goals. It is always nice to think about a bucket list, write it down, and share it. But mot importantly, tag others to do the same when you are done.”
- To lose Six kilos in 3 months
- To be able to run this year’s Alexandria Marathon
- To change careers
- To open my own business (probably a wellness center)
- To own a 4 wheel hybrid car
- To speak really good German not just some words
- To travel around the world
- To learn yoga
- To meet the Dalai Lama
- To write a book
- Make a mark on the world
- Sky dive!!
- Learn how to surf
- Swim with a dolphin
I’m afraid i'm losing my faith in the basic goodness …..
NO I’m strong I believe *sigh* damn those newspapers damn the politics……..
I want to believe I really do I’m an annoyingly optimistic person I want to believe that good has not become extinct I want to believe that my children will not read this in the dictionary .....
Good people: An extinct species of human beings who were morally excellent, virtuous, righteous, or pious (May they all rest in peace)
The stories you hear the horrific divorces, the strange murders over the silliest things, the backstabbing employees did I mention the horrific divorces
I’m not naïve I know bad things happen and monsters don’t live under my bed but out on the streets
Recently it starting to feel like it’s hitting closer and closer to home it’s emotionally draining
Remember the movie Hook it was the Peter pan sequel where Peter has grown up gotten married, had kids, forgotten about Never land, and forgotten how to be a kid.
After Captain Hook kidnaps his children Jack and Maggie
Tinker bell comes to take him back to Never land but he’s forgotten her the scene goes something like this
Peter Banning: I do not believe in fairies.
Tinkerbell: Every time someone says 'I do not believe in fairies', somewhere there's a fairy that falls down dead.
Peter Banning: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!
[Tinkerbell falls down the stairs of the dollhouse unconscious]
Peter Banning: Oh my God, I think I've killed it.
Tinkerbell: You do believe ….You do believe
[Peter clutching his head looking confused]
Peter Banning: I didn’t say that
[Tinkerbell fakes choking]
Tinkerbell: You did too . Now clap your hands. CLAP it’s the only way to save me peter clap, Peter CLAP
Peter Banning: Okay I’m clapping just stop ringing
Can you hear me clapping
In the movie tinkerbell did exist and so does good I refuse to believe that good is gone and I refuse to believe that people have become guilty untill proven otherwise
I'm waiting out for my hero I'm waiting for my street-wise hercules defying all the odds
And then he'll sweep me off my feet and tell me thank you thank you my fairlady for believing in us thank you for not letting us all drop dead
Then we'll ride off into the sunset......INTERRUPT....
The director hollering : RJay your in the wrong movie this is snow white go back to your peter pan movie and ACTION
Hehehe ok I'm sorry I got carried away but we can all use a good laugh
Now as I was saying good people exist that is a fact and I don't care if no one believes me I don't care about the stories or the damn news or the friggin newspapers it's the truth and you better start believing or they will eventually dissapear
Remember everytime you start doubting the good in the world
Wednesday, November 19, 2008 | | 6 Comments
I made a revelation a couple of years ago (right after I broke up with my fiancée) that you could be In a room full of people and feel really lonely , at the same time you can be all alone physically and feel like you’re at peace , not to mention in the best company (little narcissistic that last comment )
Monday, November 17, 2008 | | 2 Comments
Yes better single than sorry you read that correctly, I recently began reading the book better single than sorry by Jen Schefft
Jen was the notorious bachelorette who first rejected Andrew Firestone on the ABC show the bachelor and later rejected 2 proposals on her own show the bachelorette
I’m ashamed to say the first thing I did was Google Jen to see what she was up to now (basically whether she was married or “single and fabulous” whatever that means)
I was so excited to find out she recently became engaged and then did a double take was I one of those people I hate so much the people who judge people according to their marital status are as we call it in Arabic “social status” the irony isn’t lost on me when I think social status , you see people never thought about it before because a few decades ago marriage; the actual act of finding someone was never a problem maybe it was a money problem, the families-not-liking-each other problem or any other external issue but never the actual meshing/connecting/chemistry thingie whatever people call it
Jen was bashed mercilessly by America for rejecting 3 “perfectly wonderful men” for singleton life but it isn’t that simple Jen goes on the explain that she would rather wait for the “perfectly her man” to show up than just any perfectly perfect for someone else kinda guy
I meet so many great men that I just don’t click with so at least I’ve established a belief in good men but what about me? Why am I still single?
I haven’t finished the book yet but I’m loving the I haven’t-found-my guy-yet-but-I’m fabulous type attitude
But now that’s just it we all have more money, make less emphasis on social order and overall don’t have many problems getting down the isle
However we have a problem finding someone to actually walk with , I’ve pondered this question long and hard and have found no real problem; no there is no problem in the number of men there is no problem with meeting them then what the hell is it ?? millions of women scream out simultaneously (me included)
Nothing is wrong ….with anyone …no the men are not bad…..no the women aren’t too independent….and hell no the good ones aren’t taken (at least not all of them I hope)
We have one universal problem we have evolved so much and so far in all aspects in the last few decades but we expect marriage and the mating ritual to stay the exact same as it was when my grandmother got married
In the age of feminism, microwave diners and cloning why are we still expecting to fall in love with the third man we ever meet ( third meaning the first one after your father and brother) live happily ever after and have lots of gorgeous boys and girls?
How is that possible we have evolved socially so much we just don’t realize it or want to acknowledge it because basically we equate marriage with security which is one of the basic human needs
But you see that’s the thing we are actually realizing a high level of security by being working women, living , and traveling alone so instead of marrying at 16 to have someone provide for you and protect you , you already have that !!!
Simply put we just need to have a higher tolerance for getting married later in life and having had more than one marriage , it’s ok I really think we have to tell ourselves it’s REALLY OK if we marry more than once or marry for the first time at 35 that’s not a measure of success
According to Wikipedia
Success MAY mean:
* A level of social status
* Achievement of an objective/goal
* The opposite of failure
The opposite of failure is my favorite because it’s the most accurate being married and unhappy is not success to me.
I don’t think we need to “solve” any problem or riddle regarding marriage we just need to go with the flow if you are currently single enjoy it read the book you’ll feel better and really enjoy the success your having whether at work or with your social life
And if your married and don’t have kids enjoy the silence! Embrace it
If you have kids love them their leaving sooner than you think!!
That said for now I’m better off single than sorry
When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel, so bad.
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cream coloured ponies and crisp apple strudel,
Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Girls in white dresses and blue satin sashes,
Snow-flakes that stay on my nose and eye-lashes,
Silver white win-ters that melt into spring,
These are a few of my favorite things,
Babies that smile and children that sing
Hot Chocolate in winter and friends that remember
Rain in the summer and puppies with fur
A single feather flying away
Fields of daisies and poppies swaying in tune with the wind
These are just a few of my favourite things
Friday, October 24, 2008 | | 3 Comments
Part of the Kolena Laila day.
I had an attack attack last night at 2 am.
What if it happened to me?
What brought it on was something my aunt had mentioned earlier about the mass sexual harassment that happened this eid (again). She was giving the recount of the girl (victim) that had fled the scene and what the monsters had done to her and how she’d gotten away (I have no name for them other than monsters that have been stripped of their humanity to say the least)
As usual I had neatly folded feelings that had surged through me and put it away at the farthest corner of my mind. I really didn’t want to think about it or talk about it with anyone ….not even myself …my subconscious is unfortunately a lot smarter and stronger than my conscious mind
All I could think of is what are we to do as young women? Working living and moving around in Egypt (since we are always the first to be blamed for harassment) I asked myself this question although almost 60 % of women in Egypt are veiled why has that not stopped the monsters? Some of the victims were actually wearing niqab. Why? Why? Why? I feel like banging my head against a wall why is it even an issue what a girl is wearing?
There is a major human rights violation happening in my own backyard and I’m even considering remotely that it might be the women’s fault; shame on me.
I’m sorry I’m confused and sad and angry and afraid for me and for all the girls around me. My friends my family, the girls I don’t know walking on the streets minding their own business
Is it wrong that the girls (victims) refuse to come forward and report? What would I do (God forbid this happen to anyone) would I come forward? Would I stand up for my right and fight for justice and protecting others from the same ill fate? Would I run away? Would I want to die on the spot?
I hate to think about it, but I’d definitely run away I wouldn’t be able to face it or risk it I’d run as far away as I could from everything and anyone I’d leave my life behind I’d burn all the bridges and start anew hoping I wouldn’t ever have to face it again.
Now I can’t help thinking about Youssra and the Ramadan series last year “A case of public opinion” (kadeyet ra2y 3am). I personally thought she was over doing it at the time but now I see her in a new light with more respect she was making a point she was talking about the big bad black wolf long before we even acknowledged it’s existence maybe we should talk about these issues maybe the girls should step forward maybe we should learn to protect them as a society
Maybe it’s not such a bad thing to demand to be able to carry weapons for our own protection why not carry mace and spray it at aggressors why not carry stunt guns why are they illegal?? They only paralyze for a few minutes they don’t cause any permanent damage why aren’t women allowed with permits to carry them? Is this what we should be demanding or should we be demanding protection from the government? Does the government have the resources to protect us from the every day harassment happening on our streets?
And what in God’s name possesses these “things” to harass women in bulk?? I still can’t believe that such a large group of men would randomly meet and simultaneously agree and act on such an unethical, immoral and not to mention illegal act. For what? For some kicks?
I think of them and I’m speechless
My heart is breaking for all those girls I’m sorry to all of you we talk about you we blame you we wonder about you we wish we never have to be you but we never say it…we are sorry .
When I was a little girl and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would usually say one of two things (I’m a Libra and if you know any Librans you will know that a Libra will always give you two complete opposite answers to any given question that will both make perfectly good sense)
The first one was the typical “I want to be a mommy” answer, of course everyone knows that girls will keep saying that thinking it’s a lovely little pet that loves them unconditionally and that will laugh when they press it’s stomach and say “Mamma I love you” when they hug it.
Of course we only realize that’s only true of our baby born dolls when we actually have kids of our own! (Then it’s too late to give it away or take it back to the store)!!!!
The second answer was “I want to own a supermarket” just get one thing straight I was not a greedy baby but I always used to be in so much awe that you could go into one store and find anything you could possibly need or want (men el ebra lel sarookh), mind you I didn’t know they were called hypermarkets or department stores at the time they were just gigenormous supermarkets to me
I’ll tell you the story of the day I decided I wanted to actually own one of these “big supermarkets” and not just buy everything there
Like any kid born in the eighties my parents babysitter of choice was sometimes the TV and again for a kid in the eighties TV was the biggest technology hit yet (pacman came later) not only that but the things that we watched on TV weren’t just very closely monitored by everyone within a 200 mile radius including our parents, grandparents, nanny and doorman, there wasn’t much variety to watch in the first place
So one sunny afternoon watching one of my favorite shows “woof” about a little boy named Eric who would spontaneously change into a dog to go save the world the particular episode that day was that he was out in town and then went into a department store turned into a dog and spent the night in the store after they’d closed
Of course he had turned back into a boy and had a blast, jumping on all the king sized beds, eating all the chocolate bars he could eat and playing with all the action figures he could get his hands on needless to say I have not been able to get over the idea of owning a supermarket thinking I could live there at night and reek havoc in all the departments ;-)
Now I’m all grown up and sadly realized that’s not how it works although I’m still convinced if I’m rich enough to own a hypermarket I can do whatever the heck I want .
Over the years the supermarket thing evolved into other things , when I was eight I wanted to be a ventriloquist (which is basically throwing ur voice which is basically making a puppet seem like their talking without you moving your lips) after realizing how hard it was I decided I liked opera singing (I had no idea it was Italian and I totally believed I could get away with singing anything I pleased) that’s the period when I was completely obsessed with Pavarotti and my dad dubbed me “Pavarotti’s cousin” I would practice with him whenever he was on TV which was almost every evening aaah well I kept practicing until our neighbors called the police thinking we were torturing the dog (we never actually had a dog bit if antone asks it was a golden retriever named pepsi)
When I was in middle school our playground faced the Faculty of engineering and at recess we could see the college students sitting on the huge steps of the grand campus with their T-rulers and street clothes (we wore grey uniforms need I say more) that’s when I decided I wanted to be an engineer
Then later in secondary school I entered a poetry reading contest and was asked to be in the school play and join the choir which I chickened out of cause I was a shy little kid that blushed everytime anyone so much as looked at me (yeah yeah I know hard to believe) that’s when I decided then and there I would become a writer so I could channel all my creative energy without having to actually interact with any human beings and that’s when I wrote my first thriller book that turned out a cross between Dr.Seuss’s “a cat in the hat” and “psycho” go figure (I WILL publish it someday if i can get someone to accept it)
If you’ve read up until here I’m sure you’re quite entertained but have no idea where the heck this story is going
Well to tell you the truth a few weeks ago after celebrating the third year at this job I was kind of pondering my life, my job and my dreams, and I was thinking was this what I wanted for myself growing up , was this part of my “Dream” don’t get me wrong I’m 24 years old have a perfectly good job and have a masters degree with honors I’m pretty lucky and I thank god everyday for what I have
But sometimes I wonder….
I’m sure a lot of people will agree with me real life isn’t all what we expected ; the dead end desk jobs, the fights at work and the monotony of it all , none of us expected the friends moving away , the love stories dying and not being the center of the universe or at least mattering to the universe
So instead of going on prozac the annoying optimist in me( and because I love making top ten lists) I decided to make a list of the ten jobs I would love to do (even if they ARE physically impossible) Here goes:
1.Opera singer (I’m going to make up a new opera in Arabic ) so not only will I be an opera singer but also a pioneer oooh and shaaban abd el rehem gets do the lyrics
2.Professional skateboarder: I just love watching them, the tricks, the flying in the air if that’s not having wings I sure hell don’t know what is!!! In addition to having a fun means of transport
3.Cartoon voice over: aaah my favorite dream job ever since I watched little mermaid! (I also wanted to be ariel but that’s kinda impossible because I don’t know where I can find Ursula so she can gimme fins)
4.Air France flight attendant : this is complicated one ok why a flight attendant is of course an easy question , you travel the world for free, you get paid a lot of money and when you tell people you’re a flight attendant you automatically become more interesting and a lot more prettier (if air France think your pretty enough everyone else will follow suit ;-) ….why air France specifically …they wear the prettiest coats in winter ahhhh I love uniforms they make ur life so much easier especially if they r really nice ones
5.Psychiatrist: you listen to people’s problems, you tell them what to do, and they pay you lotsa money …. Perfect job…and the best perk is you can act really crazy and people will just say poor thing such a stressful job the patients must be really getting to her
6.CIA undercover agent: heheheh just saying it is funny (stick ‘em up!! Can a CIA undercover agent say that??)
7.Mystery shopper : I actually applied for this job and I’m waiting for an assignment ….coolest job ever you act like your shopping at all these brand name stores, assess the shop and the assistants then fill in a questionnaire and get paid …man this is so payback time for all the rude assistants!! ( but there is one thing…you can’t tell anyone so shhhhh)
8.Computer programmer : ( my sister’s job and I think she rocks) the mere idea of creating programs to do almost anything and everything in our everyday lives just turning 0’s and 1’s into things like an ATM machine program or a point of sales we never actually think about these things …that’s simply amazing (there’s also the hacking skill aspect cause I’m a nosy human being heh)
9.This one isn’t a job but I would just love to be an “ oprah’s favourite things show”
10.Last but not least I really still wish I could write professionally but I’m still feeling my way … someday I hope
Enjoy and please share below what you want to be when YOU grow up *evil grin*…..
Tuesday, October 14, 2008 | | 5 Comments
Slowly very slowly it crawled into my existence I hardly noticed or maybe I chose to simply ignore the shadowy existence…after all it’s just a harmless shadow, what’s a shadow in the darkness…..
Deeper, darker, closer, faster, closer
Seeping deep into my pores I could almost touch IT…. the big bad black wolf.
Surreal was it’s black existence you couldn’t really tell was it real or was it a wild figment of my vivid imagination….then out of nowhere there…in my face sneering at me my pupils dilating more of disbelief than fear, my heart racing, and my palms sweating….
IT is real…it exists….the big bad black wolf
So close …so real.... IT’s big black eyes endless in their blackness …my mind wandered from its fear could this be the abyss? The bottomless pit? The gap between the real and the unreal? The difference between the ideal and the actual?….I was looking on into the black hole of nothingness …it beckoned me into the eerie blackness a strangely calming sense of quiet settled around me, I was being gently pulled in mmmmmm calm,serene,mine all mine ……...no!!!! Wrong!!! Not good!!! Alarm bells clanged in my head ….jerking back, my head pounding , my eyes focused slowly
I could see clearly now the big bad black wolf there was nothing calm or serene about IT, the eyes were no longer black they were enormous fiery blazes of deep red, his dark presence was large and foreboding his fangs large and jagged pearly and gleaming
Jeering at me, challenging me to come in, I dare you he silently beckoned, I know you want it, come into the darkness, loneliness can be your friend, grief your lover, sadness your very best companion, you will never be alone again, you will have me forever you needn’t fear lonely for it will be with you all the time….no no no!!! I screamed inside my head
I could see my reflection in his fangs … realization set in…could that be me?…no so small, so scared so possessed, that wasn’t me it couldn’t be me the cowered stance the petrified eyes no that wasn’t me I don’t like that me no no no go away I screwed my eyes shut wishing the big bad black wolf to disappear …cautiously I opened my eyes nope still there looming over me could I run? Why wasn’t I running, a magnetic pull overwhelmed me.
NO! I will not relent I will not go quietly I am strong I am hard I am big I am tall NO!
I straightened my back pulled my stomach in and puffed out my chest as far as they both could go the coward still inside me I was a little uncertain I little hesitant the great big red eyes stared at me sensing the change I stared back as hard as I could, still scared I was but IT didn’t need to know
Go away; Go away I am not afraid I am not afraid
Was IT getting smaller? Was IT getting weaker?
Go away; Go away I am not afraid I am not afraid
Was IT getting greyer? Was IT retreating?
I widened my eyes willing the energy out I will fight for my I will fight for the light you can not eat me you cannot beat me I am tall I am big I am strong I am a tower, a big strong tower a thousand feet tall and a thousand feet wide .
This is my substance this is what I am I am the light you are the dark
The light will always prevail and darkness will seize to exist
Finally after what felt like a lifetime I could feel the fire fizzle, the red turn to brown, and the jagged fangs blacken and break into brittle crumbs.
I was winning it would not take me
I am not afraid I am not afraid
The blackness resided ,the eyes blackened it was turning into nothing right there in front of my eyes the monster was dying …I killed it…. I killed it quietly from within …
I killed it with the curl of a baby’s hand around my finger, I killed it with the genuine hug from a friend, I killed it with seeing an old friend with a broad smile of recognition high on their face, I killed it with the first smell of spring, I killed it with the feel of sand and sea water between my toes and the salt breeze in my face, I killed it with my mother’s happy tears that I have blossomed into someone she is proud to call her own, I killed it with my sister’s hearty laugh….
I killed it
I killed it with love and pride and happiness
I killed it for me……….I killed it for us …all of us
Then and there with its last breath I could see it in the eyes a mere glimpse in a passing moment …..IT sees me, I see me in its eyes IT thinks ….no ….IT believes…. IT really believes that yes…dare I say it?? IT believes me it believes in me…IT believes that I am…
I am invincible
So are you
Loneliness and sadness can never be your friend
The big bad black wolf is within you…. never let it out
For Remember that you are…..Invincible
Tuesday, October 14, 2008 | | 0 Comments
According to wikipedia “Boredom is an emotional state experienced during periods of lack of activities or when individuals are uninterested in the activities surrounding them.”
The nerd in me actually looked that definition up heheh
To me it’s never really a lack of activities mind you but recently I’ve been having more and more prolonged bouts of boredom which sometimes turn into severe comical depression (pun intended) so at the fear of going on prozac or aspirin………. and since I’ve run out of silly things to do to break the cycle like making up silly statuses on facebook, blowing air into my niece’s face heheh (if you have a baby in the house try it very entertaining but somewhat cruel) so I’ve decided to chose ten crazy things to do the next time I’m bored , the objective of making up these ten things is to scare me out of being bored which to me sounds like a theoretically effective method (not actually doing any of them…..but of course that depends entirely on how quickly I’ll get bored the next time)
1.Call pizza hut and ask them to send me farkha mashweya we mombar we kattar el salatat law sama7t
2.Walk around mahatet el raml , bump into people then yell at them WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING MAN and if anyone yells back at me I’ll just use the usual “I’m sorry I don’t speak arabic” line (am I the only one who uses that line?)
3.Wear sunglasses to work and take a little nap
4.Go into a clothes shop choose five items go into the dressing room put them all on at once go out and ask ppl in the store “do I look fat in this?” (note: must be a crowded shop)
5.Hail a cab and go “fady yastta” and if he says yes just say “tayeb” and hail another cab
6.Try all your nokia ring tones in a really crowded elevator
7.Give each finger a name and let them have conversations together (dressing them up would b cute too!!)
8.Spend some quality time with bawab el 3emarra and ask him what he thinks of ghala22 el benzene we 7all el balad (that oughta kill 5 hours!!!)
9.Watch a musical (preferably something really cheesy Annie, sound of music or Grease will do fine) and sing along at the top of my voice and try to do all the dances too!!!
10.Last but not least stand in front of a fan , make wooshing sounds and act like I’m in a shampoo commercial
I think I’ve already done some of these aaah well …..hehehe
Disclaimer: The author is not responsible for any mentally challenged person who tries any of the above suggestions since the article is written solely for entertainment purposes
El Balad Dee a7san men Gheerha
“E7na 7anshoof ayam soda fel balad dee”, “Da 7atta el hend wel seen saba2oona”, “Ya 3am el balad dee RAY7A FE DAHYA”
What you have just read above is a sample of what a lot of our conversations sound like nowadays.
It’s actually becoming a major fixture of our Egyptian culture it doesn’t matter if you’re an illiterate doorman or a multilingual college professor this is our new past time, it’s almost as popular as foul sandwiches and nokia cell phones!!!!
Basically they are hours and hours on end of fellow Egyptians dissing their country and I am ashamed to say I was one of them (major diss-fest starter) but……..
Don’t get me wrong I understand the reasons behind the country- dissing I’m the first to admit we have major problems and I know how damn frustrating it can be living here
How corrupt the system is, how chaotic our traffic is, how retarded our industries are, how annoying government employees are, how high the crime rate is getting on top of all that we have enormous potential going down the drain I can go on for pages I know I know I live here
But then again, are any of us planning on getting off our pretty asses and do something???
Anyone for a demonstration?? Anyone care for political arrest??
Ummm nope not me, I didn’t think so
Let me ask a question and please holler at me if the answer is yes….
Who has ever bribed to get their license back after getting a ticket / or to get their documents signed quicker??
I can hear you all the way from Alexandria (and I Live on the tenth floor)
My point is I have made a vital revelation many of you may not believe this but despite our raging criticisms of Egypt really deep down we like Egypt dare I say LOVE Egypt
We love Egypt it maybe dirty ,polluted ,crowded and filled with crazies but it’s our country we can call it our own we all have the fugly green passport right? We’ve all had a generous sip of the Nile (or at least Baraka, it is Egyptian right??)
I know my opinion maybe highly controversial but hear me out we’ve been whining about this for way too long we don’t really have to change the country we can just change the way we think it’s worth a try most of us are here to stay (or at least waiting for their visas)
So for all it’s worth this is a list of top ten things I LOVE about living in EGYPT
1. I love that the weather is never too hot or too cold to go out
2. I love that Cabbies and Mashroo3 drivers can abuse anyone on the street without fear (just to demonstrate the level of freedom they are the un-defied kings of the road)
3. I love that us Egyptians can talk our way out of any situation whatsoever
4. I love the Egyptian sense of humor (sarcastic and slightly sadistic as it may seem)
5. How 200 people will magically appear to help on an accident scene or to chase anyone who cries “7aramyy!!”
6. How hundreds of thousands of people come to Egypt to see the pyramids while we use it as a public restroom (we give a whole new meaning to holy crap)
7. How great our national flag is and how simple it is to paint it on your face for an Egyptian football match (red lipstick and black eyeliner will do the trick)
8. How bimbo biscuits have braved their way through major competition and still manages to cost 25 piasters (I wonder how the company still operates)
9. I love that anytime you get introduced to someone new he/she always happens to know one of your relatives or is a friend of a friend
10. Last but not least I love that no matter what, I know that I’ll always have my family and friends to lean on
There once was a little girl who liked to play in side her mind
She didn't like to venture out coz it was not as fun
She could color she could rant she could be a princess of the land
It's so much fun inside her head that she;s decided to share u see
her crazy world and crazy land
It is filled with colors it is filled with fun come this way my fellow friends for what u will seee will set u free
and keep u coming back for more welcome welcome to my mind come back any time u please