Slowly very slowly it crawled into my existence I hardly noticed or maybe I chose to simply ignore the shadowy existence…after all it’s just a harmless shadow, what’s a shadow in the darkness…..

Deeper, darker, closer, faster, closer

Seeping deep into my pores I could almost touch IT…. the big bad black wolf.

Surreal was it’s black existence you couldn’t really tell was it real or was it a wild figment of my vivid imagination….then out of nowhere there…in my face sneering at me my pupils dilating more of disbelief than fear, my heart racing, and my palms sweating….

IT is real…it exists….the big bad black wolf

So close …so real.... IT’s big black eyes endless in their blackness …my mind wandered from its fear could this be the abyss? The bottomless pit? The gap between the real and the unreal? The difference between the ideal and the actual?….I was looking on into the black hole of nothingness …it beckoned me into the eerie blackness a strangely calming sense of quiet settled around me, I was being gently pulled in mmmmmm calm,serene,mine all mine ……...no!!!! Wrong!!! Not good!!! Alarm bells clanged in my head ….jerking back, my head pounding , my eyes focused slowly

I could see clearly now the big bad black wolf there was nothing calm or serene about IT, the eyes were no longer black they were enormous fiery blazes of deep red, his dark presence was large and foreboding his fangs large and jagged pearly and gleaming

Jeering at me, challenging me to come in, I dare you he silently beckoned, I know you want it, come into the darkness, loneliness can be your friend, grief your lover, sadness your very best companion, you will never be alone again, you will have me forever you needn’t fear lonely for it will be with you all the time….no no no!!! I screamed inside my head

I could see my reflection in his fangs … realization set in…could that be me?…no so small, so scared so possessed, that wasn’t me it couldn’t be me the cowered stance the petrified eyes no that wasn’t me I don’t like that me no no no go away I screwed my eyes shut wishing the big bad black wolf to disappear …cautiously I opened my eyes nope still there looming over me could I run? Why wasn’t I running, a magnetic pull overwhelmed me.

I Stayed

NO! I will not relent I will not go quietly I am strong I am hard I am big I am tall NO!
I straightened my back pulled my stomach in and puffed out my chest as far as they both could go the coward still inside me I was a little uncertain I little hesitant the great big red eyes stared at me sensing the change I stared back as hard as I could, still scared I was but IT didn’t need to know

Humph

Go away; Go away I am not afraid I am not afraid

Was IT getting smaller? Was IT getting weaker?

Go away; Go away I am not afraid I am not afraid

Was IT getting greyer? Was IT retreating?

I widened my eyes willing the energy out I will fight for my I will fight for the light you can not eat me you cannot beat me I am tall I am big I am strong I am a tower, a big strong tower a thousand feet tall and a thousand feet wide .
This is my substance this is what I am I am the light you are the dark
The light will always prevail and darkness will seize to exist

Finally after what felt like a lifetime I could feel the fire fizzle, the red turn to brown, and the jagged fangs blacken and break into brittle crumbs.

I was winning it would not take me

I am not afraid I am not afraid

The blackness resided ,the eyes blackened it was turning into nothing right there in front of my eyes the monster was dying …I killed it…. I killed it quietly from within …

I killed it with the curl of a baby’s hand around my finger, I killed it with the genuine hug from a friend, I killed it with seeing an old friend with a broad smile of recognition high on their face, I killed it with the first smell of spring, I killed it with the feel of sand and sea water between my toes and the salt breeze in my face, I killed it with my mother’s happy tears that I have blossomed into someone she is proud to call her own, I killed it with my sister’s hearty laugh….

I killed it

I killed it with love and pride and happiness

I killed it for me……….I killed it for us …all of us

Then and there with its last breath I could see it in the eyes a mere glimpse in a passing moment …..IT sees me, I see me in its eyes IT thinks ….no ….IT believes…. IT really believes that yes…dare I say it?? IT believes me it believes in me…IT believes that I am…

I am invincible

So are you

Loneliness and sadness can never be your friend

The big bad black wolf is within you…. never let it out

For Remember that you are…..Invincible