In my opinion most people who blog do so because they have alot to say and not enough friends , time or phone credit to do so ;-)

At least that's why I write ,alot of the things i write i burn later (aka shift+delete) because I'm not ready to show the world who i am or everything i feel

So i usually share these intimate thoughts and ideas with my sister or my bestfriend

Anyways to get to the point of this post

I think I think too much...

That sounds wrong

I think too much , analyze to much, and delve into too many layers of human emotion....

I went on vacation recently to istanbul which i loved to pieces (another coming post with pictures coming soon!!)

I shopped alot, visited as many mosques and museums as I could and...yes you guessed it thought alot

I just realized something i need to relax stop thinking so much all the time and stop trying to change the world so I'm taking frankie's advice and I'm going to relax and I'm making a list for all my fellow chronic thinkers to relax

1-Try out the aqua massage

2-Go sit by the sea or the Nile and do absolutely nothing

3-Smile really hard and close your eyes

4-Don't listen to gossip (this one is amazing but quite difficult)

5-Take a nice long shower when your clean

6-lounge in ur living with the lights and tv off


after you have succesfully done one or some of the things on the list (all 20 minutes of them ;-)

Go back to your life and remember to relax

Merrily merrily merrily , life is but a dream.

There ain't nothing gentle or merry about rowing for sport but it's pretty cool

I would like to say that after the "incident" I took back to the water like a fish to the sea but aaah I'm only human I've hit the water but I'm still a bit freaked

It made it kinda worse when I overheard some guy I don't know asking my coach if I was the girl who flipped over last week yeah yeah stop rubbin it my face (or maybe he was hitting on me that would be a nicer explanation :-)

Anyways something beautiful happened while I was sitting in my boat about to begin rowing a poor little fishie jumping around in the water landed on my boat

Poor thing kept flipping itself but couldn't get back in the water
I was mesmerized but I couldn't reach out to push it back in the lake (cut me some slack here I just fell last week I was not going to risk that happening again for a fish)

She flipped six times the little thing was so determined every time it flipped it went up like 30 cm up in the air finally landing safely back in the water

and I like to think it's a she because my boat has flowers on it and girls like flowers :-)

I'm saving it for my happy thoughts

For my sister……

This is one of those posts bloggers write when they’re hurting real bad and don’t know who to blame…..like everyone in the world

I’m sad

Every time I’m sad I miss him

I wish he was here I wish he would look at me and smile

Then everything would be ok

Because I would know that no matter what is happening in my life no matter what I’m struggling with, no matter how many bad things were happening and no matter how few people in this world understand me it was okay because I’m his little girl always was and always will be no matter what no one can ever take that away

Whenever I’m having a hard time and I break down just a little bit my friends and family panic, you know because I’m their rock

The strong one, the sane balanced one

Most of the time they’re right I feel like I’m as tall as a building and as high as a bird in the sky

Other times meh

I know I’m like this because he went away when I needed him around the most 15 years old , I don’t know what that age is a kid or a woman I really don’t

But I do know that everything happens for a reason and that I’m strong because of him because I know he isn’t there and I have to make him proud and I also like to believe that I have so much of him inside me not just when I look in the mirror and see his eyes staring back at me but his quiet strength I feel so proud for having inherited that

He’s a better person than I could ever dream of becoming but I hope I can become a bit like him as I get older

One thing I’m sure of about my father he is unquestionably…….

The only man in the world who is truly irreplaceable

For almost a year now 3 times a week a wake up at dawn and drive out to a lake behind the Alexandria Nozha airport to rowing practice.

Mind you I do this for fun no races just me the lake and my hollering coach!

Anyways for the first few months every time I would hit the water I would freak out that I the boat would capsize and I would be humiliated because I was already incredibly insecure.

The only 25 year old there with an average age of 17 I worked really hard to earn the other rowers look of respect on the waters.

Just last week one of the Egyptian rowing champs (Number 2 in Egypt) talked to me for the first time in a year she said A7san Skeev !!!

Translation Go girl in the skeev boat ( I have no idea the English name of a skeev but all I know that it’s a light weight version of the traditional canoe to help you hone your balancing and rowing technique) I swelled with pride when she said that I couldn’t believe how far I’d come, wow!
Never thought it would happen at this point though…..

But aaah God has a way of reminding us we are not invincible this morning at exactly 7 am rowing away in the middle of the lake right outside the rowing lanes BOOM one of my oars hit the 200m metal mark (my fault of course because I was concentrating on the actual rowing and totally neglected being aware of my surroundings) I lost my balance and the unexpected happened my boat turned over *SPLASH* (I hope you’re all enjoying the cinematic effects ? ).

OK now what big lake, my coach is somewhere 3 km away from me on his motor boat and the only one close enough is a double canoe that of course I can’t get in because I would turn it over.

My boat wasn’t an option either because it’s quite impossible to get back in from the water.

The rowers in the double canoe, God bless them went to get help..

Abandoned in the middle of the freezing lake my feet touching something yucky.

A light bulb went off near my head (proverbial light bulb not a real bulb electrocuting me to death!) I fell in the lake, I fell off my boat, and I fell just when I had started becoming comfortable and pseudo professional like rower.

I fell.

I’m fine.

One of my worst fears had come true.

Again fine, wet and grossed out but nevertheless quite fine.

Even when I came out of the lake half expecting the other kids to look at me with pity or disdain.

I saw something else in their eyes.

Fear….

Their own fear, these kids who’ve been rowing for years and have been in numerous races were afraid of the same thing I was; falling.

Speed bumps teach you to slow down and appreciate your surroundings since I was starting to get bored with rowing and felt like it wasn’t challenging enough for me.

I got my speed bump.

So I promise myself I will not take rowing for granted anymore.

And thank my lucky stars I have such an interesting activity in my life.

As an after thought I was telling my friend this morning I fell so she laughingly told me I fell because I was “single” since everyone seems to think that’s the reason for every girls problem ….oh and the ozone is depleting because I’m single too hehe.

Gjoez tagged me in the bucket list tag:

“Simply state any number of goals you want to achieve in the next 8-10 years. Let them be small goals, big goals, silly goals. It is always nice to think about a bucket list, write it down, and share it. But mot importantly, tag others to do the same when you are done.”

Bucket…Bucket what’s in the bucket !!

• To lose Six kilos in 3 months
• To be able to run this year’s Alexandria Marathon 
• To change careers
• To open my own business (probably a wellness center)
• To own a 4 wheel hybrid car
• To speak really good German not just some words
• To travel around the world
• To learn yoga
• To meet the Dalai Lama
• To write a book
• Make a mark on the world
• Sky dive!!
• Learn how to surf
• Swim with a dolphin

If you read this consider yourself tagged. 

I’m afraid i'm losing my faith in the basic goodness …..

NO I’m strong I believe *sigh* damn those newspapers damn the politics……..

I want to believe I really do I’m an annoyingly optimistic person I want to believe that good has not become extinct I want to believe that my children will not read this in the dictionary .....

Good people: An extinct species of human beings who were morally excellent, virtuous, righteous, or pious (May they all rest in peace)

The stories you hear the horrific divorces, the strange murders over the silliest things, the backstabbing employees did I mention the horrific divorces

I’m not naïve I know bad things happen and monsters don’t live under my bed but out on the streets

Recently it starting to feel like it’s hitting closer and closer to home it’s emotionally draining

Remember the movie Hook it was the Peter pan sequel where Peter has grown up gotten married, had kids, forgotten about Never land, and forgotten how to be a kid.
After Captain Hook kidnaps his children Jack and Maggie

Tinker bell comes to take him back to Never land but he’s forgotten her the scene goes something like this

Peter Banning: I do not believe in fairies.
Tinkerbell: Every time someone says 'I do not believe in fairies', somewhere there's a fairy that falls down dead.
Peter Banning: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!
[Tinkerbell falls down the stairs of the dollhouse unconscious]
Peter Banning: Oh my God, I think I've killed it.
Tinkerbell: You do believe ….You do believe
[Peter clutching his head looking confused]
Peter Banning: I didn’t say that
[Tinkerbell fakes choking]
Tinkerbell: You did too . Now clap your hands. CLAP it’s the only way to save me peter clap, Peter CLAP
[Peter clapping]
Peter Banning: Okay I’m clapping just stop ringing

Can you hear me clapping

In the movie tinkerbell did exist and so does good I refuse to believe that good is gone and I refuse to believe that people have become guilty untill proven otherwise

I'm waiting out for my hero I'm waiting for my street-wise hercules defying all the odds

And then he'll sweep me off my feet and tell me thank you thank you my fairlady for believing in us thank you for not letting us all drop dead

Then we'll ride off into the sunset......INTERRUPT....

The director hollering : RJay your in the wrong movie this is snow white go back to your peter pan movie and ACTION

Hehehe ok I'm sorry I got carried away but we can all use a good laugh

Now as I was saying good people exist that is a fact and I don't care if no one believes me I don't care about the stories or the damn news or the friggin newspapers it's the truth and you better start believing or they will eventually dissapear

Remember everytime you start doubting the good in the world

Just Clap